Our lives are usually pretty wild and fun these days, but last week we took a big turn. I want the
blogosphere to know our real lives so I'll share. I wish my words were eloquent, but if you know me....you can probably follow my thought process and know what I'm trying to say :)
We found awhile ago that we were expecting a baby. I don't really like to tell early, but I'm so sick...there are really NO secrets when you get sick at 6 weeks pregnant.
I went in for my 10 week appointment and the Doctor found NO HEARTBEAT. Okay, I got it, having this baby full term was not part of God's plan for us. I was fine with that...I trust God fully with every single thing that happens in our lives. AND I can even think of millions of reasons why it wasn't best to happen. My head can wrap around that, I was okay.
I was far enough along I had to have a D and C. WOW, I haven't even had surgery..ever! We learned
alot though this...none of my friends have lost a little one that far along, so this was a VERY new experience. My sweet doctor was incredible. "This wasn't caused by anything you did or anything you didn't do". He was great about helping me deal with everything correctly.
We scheduled my surgery ASAP, G got off work....now I wanted to start dealing with the emotional side of dealing with the loss of my baby.
"Empty Arms", that was the name of the book someone gave me. OUCH, my heart really hurt. I hadn't thought about that yet...I would never get to meet or hold my little one. The book was great helping me sort through and deal with everything. G and I were able to get away the night before surgery. We read the book, talked, cried, ate a good dinner and tried to get a good nights sleep. This was my most favorite verse. Psalm 22 9,10 and Psalm 139:1-18 My God is also my baby's God. My baby just had the privilege of seeing Him first. I will see my little one again!
I highly recommend Empty Arms by Pam
Vredevelt! The book is written by a lady who had 2 tragedies (1 late, 1 early) and is currently a counselor and a believer.
So, its been a week...I'm doing well, my family and friends have been so supportive and sweet.
I know I lost my baby, but I am very at peace and not sad or weepy anymore. (OR SICK)
We are so excited about all the fun plans we have for this Christmas Season!
Here is what "past-tee" looks like...I'm trying to embrace this tradition :)
